Where Have I Been? August 14, 2009

Man. I have so much to say right now! I haven’t really been consistently blogging. It’s been intense for the past YEAR. I started a program at my church called School of Ministry (SOM) last August. I graduated this past May. A whole lot of exciting and challenging things took place in those 9 months. It just happened so fast I forgot to log it all in my journals and blogs. And to top it all off, my sister got engaged in February and I’ve been wedding planning for her ever since. Also, my dream to move to Asheville, NC still stands… and I’ve been job hunting from the time I graduated SOM.

Well, that’s the short version. Perhaps details will surface as I continue to keep this blog going. Also, I could expand on specific things now, but I felt like I needed to write a general where-have-i-been blog first.

Journey: blog 3 October 30, 2008

 

The deepest revelation I received from my Journey experience is this: I must finish what I have started.

Distractions have always been a big issue for me. I do not process experiences and problems with great urgency. Instead, I use distractions to short-circuit my thinking and feeling when I go through intense situations. If I have a stressful day at work, instead of first praying about it, journaling and de-compressing in a healthful way, I usually just watch hours and hours of television and eat. Although excess tv and food is already bad in of themselves.. these habits slow the progression of reaching my goals and dreams. In some instances, the distractions even cause me to forget my goals altogether.

I’ve always been the type of person to get things done in the short-term. If it takes too long to work on a project, then I usually give up. I’d rather pull a couple of late-nighters to write a paper, rather than work on it over a longer period of time in shorter bursts. I tend to get heavily inspired and passionate about something in the beginning, but then lose momentum quickly and then the endeavor or project or dream fizzles out fast.

This weekend on the Journey has caused me to revisit the importance of finishing what I start. I know that as a visionary, I will always come up with a large number of ideas and projects, and some of them probably don’t really need to be completed. But, I’m referring to the endeavors that are worth seeing through to the end. I really do think there are several projects and ideas that I quit working towards that could have been great. I don’t think I have really let myself “mourn” their loss. That may sound strange.. but until I get to the point where I can realize what I have turned my back on.. I think it will be more difficult to take future goals seriously. 

Also, I think there are other projects and goals and current endeavors that I am holding on to that are not completely worth the time and effort I am spending on them. I think I need to let go of a few things so that I will be able to make room for more important goals.

I shared my revelation with my Journey teammates on Saturday night around the campfire. I shared that I was so grateful that I had finished putting together my CDA (Child Development Associate) resource file binder before going on the Journey. The CDA is a certification program that childcare workers get. It’s taken me forever to finish my CDA, and a lot of it is because of me. I’ve continued to put off working on it because frankly, I am sick of it and kept finding more important things to do. So, now I have even more responsibilities in life, and more endeavors in my life, which has made it nearly impossible to focus on the CDA stuff. But, I know I have to complete the work so I can be certified. It will benefit me in so many ways. But while the CDA is still left undone in my life, it continues to nag at me. I can’t focus on the mission of reaching my dreams while I have things like the CDA left undone. But, just finishing the resource binder TOTALLY allowed me to focus on the Journey. I didn’t have to fret and worry over what I left undone. I had peace, and held on to it. This one example has fully inspired me to replicate the decision to finish other started projects. 

I think finishing what I start develops quality character traits too. Perhaps it would be considered being authentic. Also, it requires trust and dependance on God, because if it was just me fulfillng my needs, I’d never be content. I can be assured that as I move, God moves. I move in the natural, He moves in the supernatural. 

2 Corinthians 8:11
Now finish the work, so that your eager willingness to do it may be matched by your completion of it, according to your means.

James 1:4
Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking 
anything.

The Journey: blog 2 October 28, 2008

One of the inspirational moments I encountered on the Journey really changed the way I think about decision making. Friday afternoon we had been told by Pastor Jim that we were to come up with a team mantra. It relates to the military’s tradition of having a saying that the Marines (or Air Force or Army or whatever) can say to each other, and in doing so are basically saying to each other that they understand what each other went through and they are there for each other. So… when times get tough even after their time of service is done, they can say that simple phrase to a brother or sister and it will be understood that they care.

So… Pastor Jim did not give us any instructions on how or exactly when to come up with the phrase, only that it had to be done. And then he ended his message. 

Instructor Tim Bennett then came up and said he heard we had to come up with a Mantra. So, he instructed us to get down in push-up formation. He said that as we came back up from each push-up we had to say our team mantra. We all nervously laughed and looked at each other while bending down for the first push-up, because…well.. none of us had really had any time at all to discuss the mantra. So, it was hilarious when Instructor Tim said, “DOWN! UP!” .. some of us just said whatever came to our mind. I thought it would be funny to yell, “CARPE DIEM!” So a few people laughed. During the next dozen or so push-ups we kept hearing various things from fellow teammates like, “Don’t back down!” “Don’t give up!” etc. etc… Instructor Tim kept yelling, “DOWN!” “UP!” over and over and funny thing.. we were so tired of doing push ups we started listening to each other and one phrase began to have dominance over other phrases. “Go big or go home!” was starting to sound louder. So, Instructor Tim stopped us and said, “What is your mantra? I want to hear your mantra, what is it?!” And almost everyone shouted, “GO BIG OR GO HOME!” And so Instructor Tim had us go back into push-ups and shout it louder and louder until we sounded convinced that we were all on board with it. And we were!

For the rest of the weekend we did use that phrase to encourage each other and pull each other back in line when we got tired or whiny. Go Big Or Go HOME! It’s pretty powerful if you think about it. Do we want to just skate by our lives just to appear like we’re accomplishing tasks and enjoying life, or do we want to put ALL OF OUR hearts, minds, souls into our endeavors? If not, we may as well quit now. We need to be fully engaged and passionate about what we do. Or at least that is my new take on life. 

So.. in those few moments of striving with my teammates to get through the push-ups and choose a mantra, I learned an important lesson. Decision making does not have to take forever. It is possible for a group of people to make a decision without arguing. We just have to go into it as a unit. Listening is key. We all had to start listening to what each other was saying, and decide to surrender our own will. It’s quite profound to think about how our mantra was chosen. I think all of us still will speak that phrase in reverence to each other. I think we will continue to believe in it and use it to lift each other up.

The Journey: blog 1 October 28, 2008

I will be posting many of these blogs over the next week or two, as it will take me a little bit to process and unravel all of the amazing experiences I had this past weekend on The Journey.

For those who don’t go to my church, let me define The Journey for you first. One of the pastors at my church is an ex-marine and so he has taken his knowledge and experience of the military and has created a program that includes some elements of military training. The purpose of the program is to put a group of people in an intense environment and challenge them physically, spiritually, emotionally, and mentally through difficult tasks that are designed to teach people how to work better as a team by accepting or overcoming the weaknesses of each person and emphasizing people’s strengths. It is an encouraging environment and certainly bonds people together quickly! It is very difficult, but extremely rewarding. 

On this School of Ministry Journey, we spent Friday at the church, and Saturday we went to Panther Creek up in North Georgia and spent the day and night there. We came back to the church on Sunday morning. 

I thought it would be nice in my first note to just make a few lists of memorable moments that happened. The deeper revelations will come when I am able to process them more and put them into words. 

Funniest Moments:
• Ashly eating a can of tuna like a cat. Each slurping noise she made sent me into a fit of uncontrollable laughter!
• Rolling down a grassy hill like we were little kids in the church parking lot in the cold rain.
• Trying to find a place to pee in the woods at night without shining the flashlight in the direction of other people trying to pee. Gross!!
•Watching White Dog steal a piece of raw chicken and devouring it.
•Making foil spoons with Ashly, Sarah, and Whitney

Moments that made me cry:
•Gabbie Phillips screaming “I AM AN OVERCOMER!” the entire time while repelling down the cliff.
•Justin Tullis praying for Rhythm.
• Andrea taking the first step backwards to repel down the mountain
•Falling knee first on a small rock and bruising/straining my leg and having asthma complications. SCARY, and OUCHIE!
• Sharing my revelation/thoughts with my team around the camp fire Saturday night.
•Seeing Sarah win the Tribal Staff Award.
•Walking back into church Sunday morning as a team and having the whole church cheering us on and clapping for us. 
•Singing “Eternal Salvation” with my Journey teammates in church Sunday morning. BUCKETS of tears shed during this one!!!h 

Most difficult moments:
•Getting through the exercise where we had to push/pull a Jeep around the church parking lot. UGH! My asthma was flaring up severely and I could not keep up with the Jeep and my teammates. It was so frustrating.
• Trying to stay awake during the 13th Warrior movie and trying not to puke. (because I felt sick.. not necessarily because I hated the movie. haha)
•Sleeping in the cold on Saturday night. I woke up shivering every few hours.
•Getting hurt during the tire pass exercise on Friday morning (that’s when I bruised my knee and almost had an asthma attack.)
•Walking to the camp location. My poor lungs were nearly shot at that point. I needed rest!!

Most life-changing/inspirational moments: (most likely a few of these will be the catalysts for the future blogs I write this week.. so I won’t go into detail now.)
•Helping prepare dinner for the team on Saturday evening.
•Tim Bennett’s message he shared with us on Friday
•Coming up with our mantra “Go Big or Go Home”
•The entire campfire session on Saturday night
•Placing our hands on the Beast of Burden (a large log that is painted and represents the things that hold us back from reaching our full potential.. we do lots of physical exercises with it) on Friday morning and meditating on what our burdens are.
•Seeing Sarah jump in to support and help our teammates immediately after getting through a difficult task herself. Especially during the times we went through the obstacle course in the woods near the church.

There’s so much more, but that is the first batch of memories I can come up with right now!!

This is my year of victory! August 20, 2008

This morning at School of Ministry we started off with a mini-chapel time of song & prayer. We were asked to spend a few moments in personal prayer, and I thought I would share my experience of that prayer time.

I have felt nervous and a little anxious this week about going back to school. It’s not the SOM program that causes the nervousness, I’m really thrilled and excited about SOM! But, it’s the actual physical part of GOING to school that makes me nervous. I wasn’t entirely sure why until this morning.

In my prayer I just brought up my anxiety/nervousness before the Lord, and thought about it for a moment. I then had the realization that my past schooling experiences have not been very successful.

Middle school: Did not fit in very well. I was teased a lot.

High School: Still did not fit in, still being teased and it affected me pretty severely. I was having tremendous difficulty trying to pass algebra and chemistry classes. I had several math teachers who I feel made things worse, not easier for me by not explaining things clearly or helping me after class. I ended up graduating with a technical/vocational diploma instead of the “normal” diploma. It took a long time for me to feel like I had successfully graduated. I felt like I got the “cop-out” certificate.

College: Had a LOT of emotional issues, very depressed the 2nd year, had to drop out one semester short because I could not get through algebra, and felt I was not emotionally strong enough to push through and finish.

The second College: I went to a tech/vocational community college for printing/graphics. But, the instructors were not really very effective teachers, the computers were not up to date and neither was the software. When I tried to get a job I got turned away because my school did not teach me what I really needed to know. So, I am not working in the graphic design field. I don’t want to anyway anymore, but the school experience was really a disaster.

So… now I see where the anxiety is coming from. The fear of having to go back to school and try to fit in and make friends, be successful, and be able to use what I will learn in the “real-world.”

As I was praying this morning I felt a peace in me and the Holy Spirit encouraged me that this year in SOM will finally be a victory for me. This year will be a full success!

Our God is Great and Loving!

Transition Week August 17, 2008

I dubbed this week “Transition Week.” On Monday, my life changes a WHOLE lot.

This summer has been a whirlwind of emotions, opportunities, ideas, quick decisions. I find myself feeling a bit dizzy and overwhelmed with all that happened (or didn’t happen.) I felt like I was running back and forth all summer in my mind. My hours were drastically cut at work for several weeks which discouraged me at first. I contemplated leaving my job. Just when I was prepared to get my resume ready and look for a parapro job, my computer crashed, and I got my hours back at work. And then the invitation to join C3′s School Of Ministry dropped in my lap. After giving it a moment’s thought, I accepted the invitation and consequently I guess I voluntarily cut my work hours since my normal work hours conflict with the SOM schedule. I think this is what confused several people in my life.

“I decided to join my church’s school of ministry!”
“Really? When do you start?”
“In about 3 weeks!”
“Oh. Can you afford that? What about your work, I thought you were wanting your hours back, didn’t they give your hours back to you?”
“I know, I know. I don’t know how I’ll afford it, but I feel like this is something God will honor, and I feel it will be beneficial and useful to my future, so I”m doing it.”
“Wow….. okay…… I hope it goes well for you.”

I’ve had several conversations similar to that one in the past 3 weeks.

It’s true. I know God will honor this decision. I didn’t necessarily feel “called” to do SOM, I just knew it is POSSIBLE because I know our Great Provider, My Heavenly Father. I did feel invited to join SOM.

So, back to transition week. I’ve been trying to wake up earlier/sleep earlier since I am so totally NOT a morning person. Consider that a “heads up” to my classmates and teachers! I’ve done a lot of planning and journaling.

Today was a difficult day. It’s the Saturday before my new schedule changes, and I didn’t have much planned for today, so I felt a little down today. I did plan to do a lot of stuff around the house, but I ended up doing very little. It’s probably a good thing though, because next week is jam packed with new and exciting events.