my baby dream…. October 19, 2009

Last night I had a really interesting dream. I don’t always have dreams that seem meaningful or spiritual, but this one most certainly is. I wanted to share this in the hopes that any of you who are currently pursuing a life dream or who soon will be, or who want to but might be scared, will find comfort and hope and promise in my dream. What I’ve been shown can be yours too!

I dreamed that I had previously given birth to a baby, but it was really small, like “UH OH small.” I was in some sort of a community building holding my baby. I am not sure what the building was, but there were a lot of people present. I saw mostly women, but a few men were there. All types of people from ultra funky to super “straight-laced” individuals were in the room. There were some chairs lined up in rows with people sitting in them, but some people were moving around the room as if they were working or busy.

I was holding my baby in a bowl and tightly wrapped my arms around her as if trying to protect her, walking through all the people praying for my baby — like GOING FOR IT prayer — like, “IN THE NAME OF JESUS this baby is healed prayer,” Gradually while I prayed, my baby started growing right there in front of my eyes!! And once the baby had grown a little, I noticed the head of the baby had holes in it. I know — it was kinda freaky. But, I kept praying and believing and sometimes I’d fall on the floor weeping, and people were shocked. People just looking at me -like- “Oh, that poor woman.” Or, “What is that lady doing??” Some people were believers and prayed with me. As I walked up the room I heard a guy say, “Now that’s a woman who knows how to pray!”

I just continued watching the baby grow as I walked and prayed and declared health over my child, and at the end of the dream, my baby’s head was healed and she looked healthy and whole.

The meaning seems pretty clear to me. God is confirming that I gave birth to my dream that He had placed in my heart years ago. I am to remain strong in Him, keep walking in faith and prayer and He will bring it to wholeness, health. Another thing that I thought of is, a baby is ALIVE. By placing my baby in a bowl, I think that means I was sheltering her from harm. I knew I had to protect the life that I had given birth to. Same with my Asheville dream. I have to protect it. When a dream is new, it is fragile. It must be cultivated and protected.

How relieving and peace-giving it was to be able to see a picture that confirms God is growing my dream into wholeness! It is so exciting!

So, protect your dreams, my friends! And know that if God has placed something in your spirit, He will make it happen!

<3

Weekend With Jeff Crabtree: My experiences and thoughts October 11, 2009

This morning I am up early and ready to process and journal about what happened in my life yesterday. It was BIG!

Saturday morning (October 10th) Our C3 Church in Asheville had an event called Worship Express. Our worship leader Steve Deal and his family hosted the event at their home. Jeff Crabtree who is the Minister of Creative Arts at C3 Oxford Falls in Sydney was the guest speaker for the day. He brought up really interesting points about how important creativity, music in particular, is in the church. He talked about how the arts bring people together and how one tool of control that some governments have had over people is to take their music away. He made the point that music and art have been taken out of churches even in America to a large degree. He urged us musicians and artists to use the gifts that God has placed in us, because when we are doing our art and sharing it with the church and world, we are fighting the battle for the hearts of people. Jeff said that we will win the war NOT by fighting the cultural wars, because we are losing that battle. He said that in our country, we win when an American heart is transformed. And he said we will win by each of us doing what God has called us to create. This is such a powerful message! I’ve never heard anyone speak about music and art and the church like that.

For the past several years I have believed that God has been calling artists to do a new thing in the church. I truly believe that artists alive today in the church are hearing God tell us to rise up, unify together, perfect our crafts and build a strong, powerful bridge across the gap between church and social culture. To hear someone in church voice what I have already felt was HUGE for me. I know that we are here “for such a time as this.” This is BIG, PEOPLE!

So, at the end of the day sessions, Jeff said he wanted to pray for those of us who are in big life transitions right now. So, I stepped forward to acknowledge that I am in that category. I had previously introduced myself to Jeff at the end of the first session, and asked him what he thought about visual art being used in worship today. He said he’d talk to me more at our lunch break, and he did say a bit. So I had the opportunity to tell him that I was an artist at that time.

When Jeff got to me at prayer time he held my hands up and said that I just “need to get to it!” He said, “PAINT!” He said that I need to stop asking so many questions and not worry about what people think, and that I need to paint freely in the Name of Jesus. He said that I would feel many emotions as I painted, and it was okay because God had wired me that way. He stopped for a second and looked right at me and said, “You know what? No one has ever commissioned you to do your art, have they? You poor thing! That’s what it is. Well I will!” At this point I was sobbing. I mean, that’s what Jeff does in our church movement — he teaches and commissions people to practice their art in the C3 churches… so this was a huge honor for me. I didn’t even have to go to the C3 School of Arts in Australia to get his blessing! WHOA. So, he asked everyone to pray together over me, and he basically gave me permission to paint and prayed for my gift of art.

This was powerful because it WAS a huge issue for me… I HAD been waiting for someone to give me permission to paint. I had been hesitating because I felt the church wasn’t quite sure what to do with me. That’s my perception anyway. I did constantly worry about what people thought of me. I knew I had a gift that God wanted to use in the church, and I knew it included Asheville, but I guess I just needed someone in leadership to confirm it for me. This is a huge relief for me!

In the evening, Jeff Crabtree, Steve Deal, and some of the C3 musicians from Asheville and Atlanta played in Pritchard Park, which is a well-known outdoor location in Asheville for local musicians to play. More than just a fun event, Jeff pretty much proved everything that he had said in the day sessions by playing music where the community could come and hang out and learn about C3 and see us desiring to interact with culture. It was amazing!! Our church gave out free CDs of the worship music, and we all mingled and danced and had a great time. At the end of the night, I heard comments from people in the community such as, “Thank you for being a church that really does care.” “What time did you say your service meets?” “Wow! Your band has a great sound! Do you have any more CDs???” “This was fun!”

I see how this form of outreach is a FAR CRY from what I saw from Christians protesting at the U2 concert last week. One guy there quietly held up a small sign that said, “NO BONO. SATAN INCARNATE!” Yeah, how many hearts were transformed by THAT sign. Not to mention he alienated those of us Christians who LIKE U2. Hahahaha!

Music and art really ARE a huge part of what defines cultures, and I have to agree with Jeff Crabtree that by doing our art, and showing interest in the arts of different cultures and seeking to share our arts with the world, we WILL be able to reach out and see people’s hearts be transformed. We MUST be approachable. We MUST be interested in people. We MUST break down walls in order to build a bridge. I believe that CREATIVITY is the bridge. I will fight until my death to make sure creativity is put back in schools, and churches, and communities.

How will I do that? I will PAINT!

Words March 13, 2009

Words. They find their way into my head and some of them get my permission to pass on into my heart. It is a constant war to deal with what passes through my brain. It’s a lot like a concert venue. The security guards stand at the doorways and the people coming to the concert pile up trying to squeeze their way through. Some people try to hide cameras, water bottles, and God knows what else in their pockets and purses hoping the guards will be too lazy to pay too much attention to them and let them through without a fight.

And, so it is with the mind. All these people outside piling up all kinds of communicated words and messages, trying to fill my brain up with comments, ideas, and God knows what else.

I am aware that there is one who particularly is interested in pushing his destructive comments and lies into my brain hoping I will be too lazy to put up a fight and let the phrases take form and take root in my heart. His name is satan. I never can bring myself to capitalize his name. He doesn’t deserve that honor. He is only interested in destruction of my mind.

I have been asking myself lately.. when am I going to start really warring against negative words? How many do I let escape into my heart before I decide I’ve had enough of the pain? How much damage will I be willing to tolerate? Oh sure, God is big and can fix what has been broken. But, am I going to keep allowing the torment to continue instead of stopping the intruders BEFORE they get through security?

At concert venues, the security guards have the metal detector wands that beep loudly when passing over metal objects. I have a LIE detector made available to me. He is called The Holy Spirit. When I am standing at the door of my heart, The Holy Spirit is there with me.

When satan tries to send a spirit of disaster, The Holy Spirit warns me of that presence. He brings the Word of God to my mind and He says, “Remember, Daughter of the Living God, Have no fear of sudden disaster or of the ruin that overtakes the wicked, for the Lord will be your confidence. and will keep your foot from being snared.”

When the spirit of despair presses against me trying to get through to my heart, The Holy Spirit comforts me and strengthens me and encourages me to take hold of hope. I am perplexed, but not in despair. Life is at work in me.

When a spirit of darkness seems to grab hold of my mind and refuses to let go, The Holy Spirit is there when I cry out. He illuminates my way so I can see through the darkness. He reminds me that my Heavenly Father has equipped me with strength. He reminds me that I am free. I can release myself and run out into the Light of Christ.

Father, forgive me for not being persistent in questioning the words that present themselves at the doorway of my mind. So often I let my guard down and allow junk to linger in my brain. I don’t want my heart to be damaged. Father, I ask for more strength and clarity to recognize and halt things that don’t need to take root in me. Cut off all that does not glorify You. Holy Spirit, help me to listen to words that inspire me, grow me, and edify me.

So ordinary January 13, 2009

“I’m breaking out, 
It’s a time like this that makes you want to die. 
I’m breaking out, 
Of this modern day belief of not to try. 

And I’m dying to be, 
What you’re seeing in me. 

Stop trying to be so ordinary, 
Be strong and be brave, and begin your story. 
Cause it’s all that you’ve got 
When you make it in this world. 

I’m breaking out 
It’s a tidal wave of everything to come. 
I’m breaking out, 
So I’ll ride the wave and see what I’ve become. 

And I’m dying to be, 
What you’re seeing in me. 

Stop trying to be so ordinary, 
Be strong and be brave, and begin your story. 
Cause it’s all that you’ve got 
When you make it in this world. 

And you’ll forget, just how to be. 
And you’ll regret, cause now I’m free. 
All that you need, 
Is all that you are. 

Stop trying to be so ordinary, 
Be strong and be brave, and begin your story. 
Cause it’s all that you’ve got 
When you make it in this world”

– “So Ordinary” by Ryan Star

So Ordinary January 3, 2009

“I’m breaking out, 
It’s a time like this that makes you want to die. 
I’m breaking out, 
Of this modern day belief of not to try. 

And I’m dying to be, 
What you’re seeing in me. 

Stop trying to be so ordinary, 
Be strong and be brave, and begin your story. 
Cause it’s all that you’ve got 
When you make it in this world. 

I’m breaking out 
It’s a tidal wave of everything to come. 
I’m breaking out, 
So I’ll ride the wave and see what I’ve become. 

And I’m dying to be, 
What you’re seeing in me. 

Stop trying to be so ordinary, 
Be strong and be brave, and begin your story. 
Cause it’s all that you’ve got 
When you make it in this world. 

And you’ll forget, just how to be. 
And you’ll regret, cause now I’m free. 
All that you need, 
Is all that you are. 

Stop trying to be so ordinary, 
Be strong and be brave, and begin your story. 
Cause it’s all that you’ve got 
When you make it in this world”

– “So Ordinary” by Ryan Star

Journey: blog 3 October 30, 2008

 

The deepest revelation I received from my Journey experience is this: I must finish what I have started.

Distractions have always been a big issue for me. I do not process experiences and problems with great urgency. Instead, I use distractions to short-circuit my thinking and feeling when I go through intense situations. If I have a stressful day at work, instead of first praying about it, journaling and de-compressing in a healthful way, I usually just watch hours and hours of television and eat. Although excess tv and food is already bad in of themselves.. these habits slow the progression of reaching my goals and dreams. In some instances, the distractions even cause me to forget my goals altogether.

I’ve always been the type of person to get things done in the short-term. If it takes too long to work on a project, then I usually give up. I’d rather pull a couple of late-nighters to write a paper, rather than work on it over a longer period of time in shorter bursts. I tend to get heavily inspired and passionate about something in the beginning, but then lose momentum quickly and then the endeavor or project or dream fizzles out fast.

This weekend on the Journey has caused me to revisit the importance of finishing what I start. I know that as a visionary, I will always come up with a large number of ideas and projects, and some of them probably don’t really need to be completed. But, I’m referring to the endeavors that are worth seeing through to the end. I really do think there are several projects and ideas that I quit working towards that could have been great. I don’t think I have really let myself “mourn” their loss. That may sound strange.. but until I get to the point where I can realize what I have turned my back on.. I think it will be more difficult to take future goals seriously. 

Also, I think there are other projects and goals and current endeavors that I am holding on to that are not completely worth the time and effort I am spending on them. I think I need to let go of a few things so that I will be able to make room for more important goals.

I shared my revelation with my Journey teammates on Saturday night around the campfire. I shared that I was so grateful that I had finished putting together my CDA (Child Development Associate) resource file binder before going on the Journey. The CDA is a certification program that childcare workers get. It’s taken me forever to finish my CDA, and a lot of it is because of me. I’ve continued to put off working on it because frankly, I am sick of it and kept finding more important things to do. So, now I have even more responsibilities in life, and more endeavors in my life, which has made it nearly impossible to focus on the CDA stuff. But, I know I have to complete the work so I can be certified. It will benefit me in so many ways. But while the CDA is still left undone in my life, it continues to nag at me. I can’t focus on the mission of reaching my dreams while I have things like the CDA left undone. But, just finishing the resource binder TOTALLY allowed me to focus on the Journey. I didn’t have to fret and worry over what I left undone. I had peace, and held on to it. This one example has fully inspired me to replicate the decision to finish other started projects. 

I think finishing what I start develops quality character traits too. Perhaps it would be considered being authentic. Also, it requires trust and dependance on God, because if it was just me fulfillng my needs, I’d never be content. I can be assured that as I move, God moves. I move in the natural, He moves in the supernatural. 

2 Corinthians 8:11
Now finish the work, so that your eager willingness to do it may be matched by your completion of it, according to your means.

James 1:4
Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking 
anything.

The Journey: blog 2 October 28, 2008

One of the inspirational moments I encountered on the Journey really changed the way I think about decision making. Friday afternoon we had been told by Pastor Jim that we were to come up with a team mantra. It relates to the military’s tradition of having a saying that the Marines (or Air Force or Army or whatever) can say to each other, and in doing so are basically saying to each other that they understand what each other went through and they are there for each other. So… when times get tough even after their time of service is done, they can say that simple phrase to a brother or sister and it will be understood that they care.

So… Pastor Jim did not give us any instructions on how or exactly when to come up with the phrase, only that it had to be done. And then he ended his message. 

Instructor Tim Bennett then came up and said he heard we had to come up with a Mantra. So, he instructed us to get down in push-up formation. He said that as we came back up from each push-up we had to say our team mantra. We all nervously laughed and looked at each other while bending down for the first push-up, because…well.. none of us had really had any time at all to discuss the mantra. So, it was hilarious when Instructor Tim said, “DOWN! UP!” .. some of us just said whatever came to our mind. I thought it would be funny to yell, “CARPE DIEM!” So a few people laughed. During the next dozen or so push-ups we kept hearing various things from fellow teammates like, “Don’t back down!” “Don’t give up!” etc. etc… Instructor Tim kept yelling, “DOWN!” “UP!” over and over and funny thing.. we were so tired of doing push ups we started listening to each other and one phrase began to have dominance over other phrases. “Go big or go home!” was starting to sound louder. So, Instructor Tim stopped us and said, “What is your mantra? I want to hear your mantra, what is it?!” And almost everyone shouted, “GO BIG OR GO HOME!” And so Instructor Tim had us go back into push-ups and shout it louder and louder until we sounded convinced that we were all on board with it. And we were!

For the rest of the weekend we did use that phrase to encourage each other and pull each other back in line when we got tired or whiny. Go Big Or Go HOME! It’s pretty powerful if you think about it. Do we want to just skate by our lives just to appear like we’re accomplishing tasks and enjoying life, or do we want to put ALL OF OUR hearts, minds, souls into our endeavors? If not, we may as well quit now. We need to be fully engaged and passionate about what we do. Or at least that is my new take on life. 

So.. in those few moments of striving with my teammates to get through the push-ups and choose a mantra, I learned an important lesson. Decision making does not have to take forever. It is possible for a group of people to make a decision without arguing. We just have to go into it as a unit. Listening is key. We all had to start listening to what each other was saying, and decide to surrender our own will. It’s quite profound to think about how our mantra was chosen. I think all of us still will speak that phrase in reverence to each other. I think we will continue to believe in it and use it to lift each other up.

unlocked creativity October 16, 2008

I have found a whole other level in my creativity. It started with a prayer. And then the Holy Spirit must have gone completely bezerk in my spirit and soul. And then the colors came. And the visions, and passion got all wrapped up in there, and now I can’t stop painting and drawing. My art table literally has layers of glitter and paint. I can’t bring myself to wash it off. 

I had this amazing prayer experience where I went straight into the realm of God and I found Him all over again in a fresh way. He showed me how deeply I need Him and how deeply He loves me. I loved Him with all of my heart, soul, and mind. I communicated with the very heart of God. And art was the only way I could express what happened to me. 

I know this sounds so dramatic, and it was dramatic. There was a drastic shift in my spirit. I opened up a part of me that I think I closed 10 years ago. I remember in my childhood being able to paint freely and I’d paint for hours and talk to God while I painted. And then the devil successfully tried to steal my joy. And I listened to him and shut down the part of my creativity that was most freeing. I still did art, but it was different.

Finally, I surrendered and asked God to knock down the walls and open up my creativity again. And He was faithful. And I’m in love all over again. There is so much for me to say through my art. So much love and desire for God. So much gratitude for Christ and what He is doing through me. I see all of my dreams beginning to come true. Everything in my heart that I thought was forgotten, I now know God sees it all and cares about my heart down to the very last fragment and He is giving me the freedom to do it all for His Kingdom. It’s all for the glory of God.

I’ll post some artwork up as soon as I can, I’d really love to share it with you all.

Prepare the way September 7, 2008

I have struggled all of my life to come to the place of this revelation. I’ve heard this talked about, but never seemed to understand it. Finally I am just about there. I would like to take you with me! 

• “See, I am sending an angel ahead of you to guard you along the way and to bring you to the place I have prepared.” :: Exodus 23:20 ::

• “He who sacrifices thank offerings honors me, and he prepares the way so that I may show him the salvation of God.” :: Psalm 50:23 ::

• “The LORD will indeed give what is good, and our land will yield its harvest.
Righteousness goes before him and prepares the way for his steps.” :: Psalm 85:12-13 ::

• “A voice of one calling: ‘In the desert prepare the way for the LORD; make straight in the wilderness a highway for our God. Every valley shall be raised up, every mountain and hill made low; the rough ground shall become level, the rugged places a plain.” :: Isaiah 40:3-4 ::

• “Pass through, pass through the gates! Prepare the way for the people. Build up, build up the highway! Remove the stones. Raise a banner for the nations. The LORD has made proclamation to the ends of the earth: “Say to the Daughter of Zion, ‘See, your Savior comes! See, his reward is with him, and his recompense accompanies him.’” :: “Isaiah 62:10-11 ::

• “‘See, I will send my messenger, who will prepare the way before me. Then suddenly the Lord you are seeking will come to his temple; the messenger of the covenant, whom you desire, will come,’ says the LORD Almighty.” :: Malachi 3:1 ::

• “The beginning of the gospel about Jesus Christ, the Son of God. It is written in Isaiah the prophet:’I will send my messenger ahead of you, who will prepare your way a voice of one calling in the desert, “Prepare the way for the Lord, make straight paths for him.”‘ And so John came, baptizing in the desert region and preaching a baptism of repentance for the forgiveness of sins. The whole Judean countryside and all the people of Jerusalem went out to him. Confessing their sins, they were baptized by him in the Jordan River. John wore clothing made of camel’s hair, with a leather belt around his waist, and he ate locusts and wild honey. And this was his message: ‘After me will come one more powerful than I, the thongs of whose sandals I am not worthy to stoop down and untie. I baptize you with water, but he will baptize you with the Holy Spirit.’

At that time Jesus came from Nazareth in Galilee and was baptized by John in the Jordan. As Jesus was coming up out of the water, he saw heaven being torn open and the Spirit descending on him like a dove. And a voice came from heaven: ‘You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased.’” :: Mark 1:1-11 ::

So, my problem has been the battle between my emotions and my soul. Worship? I don’t feel like it; I feel down. Take a walk? I don’t want to. Read my Bible? I would rather watch a movie. Go out with friends? Not today, I feel anxious. Get up in the morning on time? I don’t feel like it; I am sleepy.

But my soul longs for worship. My body is weakening from lack of healthful living and my soul needs my body to be healthy so I can accomplish Kingdom work. My soul longs for the Words of the Living God. My soul wants to be with other people. My soul is excited to get another day started.

So… what can I do?

Prepare the way for the Lord.

I can come to church and put on an attitude of thankfulness and awe. I can choose to raise my hands in the air during worship songs or just lift my head towards the heavens while I sing. I can bow my head in a position of humbleness and gratitude. I can fix my eyes on Jesus. I can call up a friend to go walking; put on my workout clothes and drive to the mall. I can pick up my Bible and open it; say a prayer to the Spirit of God as I open the book. I can organize my home and belongings the night before; and set my alarm to wake up 15 minutes earlier the next day.

WHY? Why do all of that?

To prepare the way for the Lord.

At the moment I arrive in the church, I still may not feel wonderful. As a matter of fact, while I am singing and lifting my arms I may feel like there is no benefit. BUT THERE IS A BENEFIT. Just because I am not FEELING it in the natural yet does not mean nothing is happening!!!! I fix my mind, body, and spirit on what is unseen. I have faith in God, my Mighty Savior, and I hope for what is to come.

See, the Old Testament is filled with scriptures about preparing the way for the Lord. People made sacrifices, they asked God to come. They postured themselves in order to receive the Messiah. They wanted the blessings of God, so they went after them in the natural. And in the case of the Messiah, He finally came. The New Testament shows us that after a long time of wondering and hoping and believing, God sent John the Baptist to announce his arrival. And Jesus came to the earth to fulfill that message. All of those that recognized Him received the blessing of salvation. And the rest of the New Testament is pretty quiet after that as far as the major theme of “prepare the way” goes. We have Jesus now. But there is plenty of encouragement and urging and advising in the New Testament for preparing daily for the blessings of God. We have Jesus, but now we must posture ourselves and position ourselves in a place to be able to take hold of all He has for us. He gives freely, but we must ask and go to Him.

You may not FEEL like there is any benefit to the preparations you are doing. But, take heart, wait on God and watch Him work! It may be 5 minutes, 5 hours, 5 days, or 5 years. But you will soon be living in His blessings because of your faithfulness and obedience.

Prepare the way for the Lord.

What can you do today to prepare the way to receive the promises of God?

“But as for me, I watch in hope for the Lord, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me.” ::Micah 7:7::

This is my year of victory! August 20, 2008

This morning at School of Ministry we started off with a mini-chapel time of song & prayer. We were asked to spend a few moments in personal prayer, and I thought I would share my experience of that prayer time.

I have felt nervous and a little anxious this week about going back to school. It’s not the SOM program that causes the nervousness, I’m really thrilled and excited about SOM! But, it’s the actual physical part of GOING to school that makes me nervous. I wasn’t entirely sure why until this morning.

In my prayer I just brought up my anxiety/nervousness before the Lord, and thought about it for a moment. I then had the realization that my past schooling experiences have not been very successful.

Middle school: Did not fit in very well. I was teased a lot.

High School: Still did not fit in, still being teased and it affected me pretty severely. I was having tremendous difficulty trying to pass algebra and chemistry classes. I had several math teachers who I feel made things worse, not easier for me by not explaining things clearly or helping me after class. I ended up graduating with a technical/vocational diploma instead of the “normal” diploma. It took a long time for me to feel like I had successfully graduated. I felt like I got the “cop-out” certificate.

College: Had a LOT of emotional issues, very depressed the 2nd year, had to drop out one semester short because I could not get through algebra, and felt I was not emotionally strong enough to push through and finish.

The second College: I went to a tech/vocational community college for printing/graphics. But, the instructors were not really very effective teachers, the computers were not up to date and neither was the software. When I tried to get a job I got turned away because my school did not teach me what I really needed to know. So, I am not working in the graphic design field. I don’t want to anyway anymore, but the school experience was really a disaster.

So… now I see where the anxiety is coming from. The fear of having to go back to school and try to fit in and make friends, be successful, and be able to use what I will learn in the “real-world.”

As I was praying this morning I felt a peace in me and the Holy Spirit encouraged me that this year in SOM will finally be a victory for me. This year will be a full success!

Our God is Great and Loving!