This morning at School of Ministry we started off with a mini-chapel time of song & prayer. We were asked to spend a few moments in personal prayer, and I thought I would share my experience of that prayer time.
I have felt nervous and a little anxious this week about going back to school. It’s not the SOM program that causes the nervousness, I’m really thrilled and excited about SOM! But, it’s the actual physical part of GOING to school that makes me nervous. I wasn’t entirely sure why until this morning.
In my prayer I just brought up my anxiety/nervousness before the Lord, and thought about it for a moment. I then had the realization that my past schooling experiences have not been very successful.
Middle school: Did not fit in very well. I was teased a lot.
High School: Still did not fit in, still being teased and it affected me pretty severely. I was having tremendous difficulty trying to pass algebra and chemistry classes. I had several math teachers who I feel made things worse, not easier for me by not explaining things clearly or helping me after class. I ended up graduating with a technical/vocational diploma instead of the “normal” diploma. It took a long time for me to feel like I had successfully graduated. I felt like I got the “cop-out” certificate.
College: Had a LOT of emotional issues, very depressed the 2nd year, had to drop out one semester short because I could not get through algebra, and felt I was not emotionally strong enough to push through and finish.
The second College: I went to a tech/vocational community college for printing/graphics. But, the instructors were not really very effective teachers, the computers were not up to date and neither was the software. When I tried to get a job I got turned away because my school did not teach me what I really needed to know. So, I am not working in the graphic design field. I don’t want to anyway anymore, but the school experience was really a disaster.
So… now I see where the anxiety is coming from. The fear of having to go back to school and try to fit in and make friends, be successful, and be able to use what I will learn in the “real-world.”
As I was praying this morning I felt a peace in me and the Holy Spirit encouraged me that this year in SOM will finally be a victory for me. This year will be a full success!
Our God is Great and Loving!
