Mountains! This is probably my favorite page in my art journal right now. Done with watercolor paints, pens and colored pencils.
Sow into service November 24, 2008
I’ve been trying to write this blog for about a week, but couldn’t seem to focus enough to get it down. So, I’m determined to make it happen now….
The revelation that I’ve been working through lately is all about service. I have learned to appreciate and value the act of service for the past few years, but I haven’t really given it as much thought as I have recently. Why is service so valuable? What power is created when one person serves God and other people?
“A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.” – Galatians 6:7-10
From this passage, I find a curiously magical blessing: sowing into the Spirit of God unlocks eternal life. When we persevere in doing good deeds, we plant seeds that we can harvest later. When we serve others, we are pleasing the Spirit! How beautiful is this?! Service precedes abundance and creates a garden of life.
I have come to embrace the bigness of the word “ALL” in scripture. Here, the command is to do good to ALL people as we have opportunity. I know I am guilty of seeing dozens of opportunities to bless and serve people throughout any given day, and more often than not, I feel like I have the right to pick and choose which opportunities I feel like taking. But, this passage urges me to do good to ALL. If I see a need that I am able to sow into, I am asked to do so.
It has been made aware to me that service is healing for both the server and the one(s) being served. As I serve a person, I reap joy and peace and blessing just as the person I am helping does. Service causes the people on either side to get out of their circumstances and look up and out. We look up to the God who provides what is needed to accomplish the service, and we look out beyond ourselves to others around us.
If we are looking inward at our circumstances and issues for too long, we only have a very small frame of reference. I believe this is a major cause for depression, anxiety and fear. The Bible urges us to keep our gaze on Christ. Why is that? Because He is bigger than our circumstances. When we take our eyes off of ourselves, we see a bigger picture. We see a God who is Sovereign, a God who loves, a God who is the Source of all we need. We see people who are in need, people who are hurting, people who need love. And we realize that God is able to meet the needs of His people. And, then we become empassioned to be a vehicle for the Spirit of God to help those around us.
I encourage you today to take your eyes off of yourself and look up at God, and then out to the world around you. Who needs a touch of God today? How can you be the tangible heart of God for those people? A hug, an errand, a word of hope, a task completed, a ride, a promise lived out, a random act of love…. these are all seeds that will create a harvest of abundant life if you commit to endurance.
Remember the words we all long to hear when our life on earth is finished:
“Well done, my good and faithful servant.”
Serve well! Serve now! And here you will find your peace and joy and abundance.
revelation November 5, 2008
On Friday evening I had clocked out of work and jumped in my car, cranked it up and headed towards the North GA mountains to spend a few short hours in Blue Ridge with my parents who had rented a cabin up there for a few days.
I spent a good deal of the drive in prayer over various issues, one in particular. I was focusing on who God is, when I stumbled over a name for Him that I had not exactly thought about before. God revealed Himself to me as “The Lord Who Knows.” I suppose this is similar to the popular name of All-Knowing… but The Lord Who Knows is new, refreshing. I had been dealing with some fear and doubt and anxiety… and The Lord Who Knows showed Himself to be more than enough to cover my insecurity.
Ever since encountering The Lord Who Knows, I have had a new level of confidence and courage. Whenever I feel doubt or fear I just turn my heart to God and call on Him as The Lord Who Knows, and the fear and doubt fall away.
I say it tonight as everyone in the country is all up in happiness and also disappointment of the election results. The Lord Who Knows is the One who “is before all things, and in Him all things hold together.” (Colossians 1:17).
I say it in response to fear in my own life that I may have made a huge mistake in neglecting my health. The Lord Who Knows sees me and loves me and will pull me up into health once again.
I say it tonight as I struggle to know how to pray for my friends who are hurting and confused as they move through the challenges of life. The Lord Who Knows is intimately acquainted with their hearts and is working things for His good, which I know is ultimately their good. Some may have trouble seeing God, but He sees them and loves them and calls them to His heart.
God is The Lord Who Knows. I pray that you will find a resting place in this part of His character. I pray that you will find refuge in this truth. I pray that the same revelation in this part of God’s identity will take root into your mind and your soul as it did in mine.
Journey: blog 3 October 30, 2008
The deepest revelation I received from my Journey experience is this: I must finish what I have started.
Distractions have always been a big issue for me. I do not process experiences and problems with great urgency. Instead, I use distractions to short-circuit my thinking and feeling when I go through intense situations. If I have a stressful day at work, instead of first praying about it, journaling and de-compressing in a healthful way, I usually just watch hours and hours of television and eat. Although excess tv and food is already bad in of themselves.. these habits slow the progression of reaching my goals and dreams. In some instances, the distractions even cause me to forget my goals altogether.
I’ve always been the type of person to get things done in the short-term. If it takes too long to work on a project, then I usually give up. I’d rather pull a couple of late-nighters to write a paper, rather than work on it over a longer period of time in shorter bursts. I tend to get heavily inspired and passionate about something in the beginning, but then lose momentum quickly and then the endeavor or project or dream fizzles out fast.
This weekend on the Journey has caused me to revisit the importance of finishing what I start. I know that as a visionary, I will always come up with a large number of ideas and projects, and some of them probably don’t really need to be completed. But, I’m referring to the endeavors that are worth seeing through to the end. I really do think there are several projects and ideas that I quit working towards that could have been great. I don’t think I have really let myself “mourn” their loss. That may sound strange.. but until I get to the point where I can realize what I have turned my back on.. I think it will be more difficult to take future goals seriously.
Also, I think there are other projects and goals and current endeavors that I am holding on to that are not completely worth the time and effort I am spending on them. I think I need to let go of a few things so that I will be able to make room for more important goals.
I shared my revelation with my Journey teammates on Saturday night around the campfire. I shared that I was so grateful that I had finished putting together my CDA (Child Development Associate) resource file binder before going on the Journey. The CDA is a certification program that childcare workers get. It’s taken me forever to finish my CDA, and a lot of it is because of me. I’ve continued to put off working on it because frankly, I am sick of it and kept finding more important things to do. So, now I have even more responsibilities in life, and more endeavors in my life, which has made it nearly impossible to focus on the CDA stuff. But, I know I have to complete the work so I can be certified. It will benefit me in so many ways. But while the CDA is still left undone in my life, it continues to nag at me. I can’t focus on the mission of reaching my dreams while I have things like the CDA left undone. But, just finishing the resource binder TOTALLY allowed me to focus on the Journey. I didn’t have to fret and worry over what I left undone. I had peace, and held on to it. This one example has fully inspired me to replicate the decision to finish other started projects.
I think finishing what I start develops quality character traits too. Perhaps it would be considered being authentic. Also, it requires trust and dependance on God, because if it was just me fulfillng my needs, I’d never be content. I can be assured that as I move, God moves. I move in the natural, He moves in the supernatural.
2 Corinthians 8:11
Now finish the work, so that your eager willingness to do it may be matched by your completion of it, according to your means.
James 1:4
Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking
anything.
The Journey: blog 2 October 28, 2008
One of the inspirational moments I encountered on the Journey really changed the way I think about decision making. Friday afternoon we had been told by Pastor Jim that we were to come up with a team mantra. It relates to the military’s tradition of having a saying that the Marines (or Air Force or Army or whatever) can say to each other, and in doing so are basically saying to each other that they understand what each other went through and they are there for each other. So… when times get tough even after their time of service is done, they can say that simple phrase to a brother or sister and it will be understood that they care.
So… Pastor Jim did not give us any instructions on how or exactly when to come up with the phrase, only that it had to be done. And then he ended his message.
Instructor Tim Bennett then came up and said he heard we had to come up with a Mantra. So, he instructed us to get down in push-up formation. He said that as we came back up from each push-up we had to say our team mantra. We all nervously laughed and looked at each other while bending down for the first push-up, because…well.. none of us had really had any time at all to discuss the mantra. So, it was hilarious when Instructor Tim said, “DOWN! UP!” .. some of us just said whatever came to our mind. I thought it would be funny to yell, “CARPE DIEM!” So a few people laughed. During the next dozen or so push-ups we kept hearing various things from fellow teammates like, “Don’t back down!” “Don’t give up!” etc. etc… Instructor Tim kept yelling, “DOWN!” “UP!” over and over and funny thing.. we were so tired of doing push ups we started listening to each other and one phrase began to have dominance over other phrases. “Go big or go home!” was starting to sound louder. So, Instructor Tim stopped us and said, “What is your mantra? I want to hear your mantra, what is it?!” And almost everyone shouted, “GO BIG OR GO HOME!” And so Instructor Tim had us go back into push-ups and shout it louder and louder until we sounded convinced that we were all on board with it. And we were!
For the rest of the weekend we did use that phrase to encourage each other and pull each other back in line when we got tired or whiny. Go Big Or Go HOME! It’s pretty powerful if you think about it. Do we want to just skate by our lives just to appear like we’re accomplishing tasks and enjoying life, or do we want to put ALL OF OUR hearts, minds, souls into our endeavors? If not, we may as well quit now. We need to be fully engaged and passionate about what we do. Or at least that is my new take on life.
So.. in those few moments of striving with my teammates to get through the push-ups and choose a mantra, I learned an important lesson. Decision making does not have to take forever. It is possible for a group of people to make a decision without arguing. We just have to go into it as a unit. Listening is key. We all had to start listening to what each other was saying, and decide to surrender our own will. It’s quite profound to think about how our mantra was chosen. I think all of us still will speak that phrase in reverence to each other. I think we will continue to believe in it and use it to lift each other up.
The Journey: blog 1 October 28, 2008
I will be posting many of these blogs over the next week or two, as it will take me a little bit to process and unravel all of the amazing experiences I had this past weekend on The Journey.
For those who don’t go to my church, let me define The Journey for you first. One of the pastors at my church is an ex-marine and so he has taken his knowledge and experience of the military and has created a program that includes some elements of military training. The purpose of the program is to put a group of people in an intense environment and challenge them physically, spiritually, emotionally, and mentally through difficult tasks that are designed to teach people how to work better as a team by accepting or overcoming the weaknesses of each person and emphasizing people’s strengths. It is an encouraging environment and certainly bonds people together quickly! It is very difficult, but extremely rewarding.
On this School of Ministry Journey, we spent Friday at the church, and Saturday we went to Panther Creek up in North Georgia and spent the day and night there. We came back to the church on Sunday morning.
I thought it would be nice in my first note to just make a few lists of memorable moments that happened. The deeper revelations will come when I am able to process them more and put them into words.
Funniest Moments:
• Ashly eating a can of tuna like a cat. Each slurping noise she made sent me into a fit of uncontrollable laughter!
• Rolling down a grassy hill like we were little kids in the church parking lot in the cold rain.
• Trying to find a place to pee in the woods at night without shining the flashlight in the direction of other people trying to pee. Gross!!
•Watching White Dog steal a piece of raw chicken and devouring it.
•Making foil spoons with Ashly, Sarah, and Whitney
Moments that made me cry:
•Gabbie Phillips screaming “I AM AN OVERCOMER!” the entire time while repelling down the cliff.
•Justin Tullis praying for Rhythm.
• Andrea taking the first step backwards to repel down the mountain
•Falling knee first on a small rock and bruising/straining my leg and having asthma complications. SCARY, and OUCHIE!
• Sharing my revelation/thoughts with my team around the camp fire Saturday night.
•Seeing Sarah win the Tribal Staff Award.
•Walking back into church Sunday morning as a team and having the whole church cheering us on and clapping for us.
•Singing “Eternal Salvation” with my Journey teammates in church Sunday morning. BUCKETS of tears shed during this one!!!h
Most difficult moments:
•Getting through the exercise where we had to push/pull a Jeep around the church parking lot. UGH! My asthma was flaring up severely and I could not keep up with the Jeep and my teammates. It was so frustrating.
• Trying to stay awake during the 13th Warrior movie and trying not to puke. (because I felt sick.. not necessarily because I hated the movie. haha)
•Sleeping in the cold on Saturday night. I woke up shivering every few hours.
•Getting hurt during the tire pass exercise on Friday morning (that’s when I bruised my knee and almost had an asthma attack.)
•Walking to the camp location. My poor lungs were nearly shot at that point. I needed rest!!
Most life-changing/inspirational moments: (most likely a few of these will be the catalysts for the future blogs I write this week.. so I won’t go into detail now.)
•Helping prepare dinner for the team on Saturday evening.
•Tim Bennett’s message he shared with us on Friday
•Coming up with our mantra “Go Big or Go Home”
•The entire campfire session on Saturday night
•Placing our hands on the Beast of Burden (a large log that is painted and represents the things that hold us back from reaching our full potential.. we do lots of physical exercises with it) on Friday morning and meditating on what our burdens are.
•Seeing Sarah jump in to support and help our teammates immediately after getting through a difficult task herself. Especially during the times we went through the obstacle course in the woods near the church.
There’s so much more, but that is the first batch of memories I can come up with right now!!
unlocked creativity October 16, 2008
I have found a whole other level in my creativity. It started with a prayer. And then the Holy Spirit must have gone completely bezerk in my spirit and soul. And then the colors came. And the visions, and passion got all wrapped up in there, and now I can’t stop painting and drawing. My art table literally has layers of glitter and paint. I can’t bring myself to wash it off.
I had this amazing prayer experience where I went straight into the realm of God and I found Him all over again in a fresh way. He showed me how deeply I need Him and how deeply He loves me. I loved Him with all of my heart, soul, and mind. I communicated with the very heart of God. And art was the only way I could express what happened to me.
I know this sounds so dramatic, and it was dramatic. There was a drastic shift in my spirit. I opened up a part of me that I think I closed 10 years ago. I remember in my childhood being able to paint freely and I’d paint for hours and talk to God while I painted. And then the devil successfully tried to steal my joy. And I listened to him and shut down the part of my creativity that was most freeing. I still did art, but it was different.
Finally, I surrendered and asked God to knock down the walls and open up my creativity again. And He was faithful. And I’m in love all over again. There is so much for me to say through my art. So much love and desire for God. So much gratitude for Christ and what He is doing through me. I see all of my dreams beginning to come true. Everything in my heart that I thought was forgotten, I now know God sees it all and cares about my heart down to the very last fragment and He is giving me the freedom to do it all for His Kingdom. It’s all for the glory of God.
I’ll post some artwork up as soon as I can, I’d really love to share it with you all.
Prepare the way September 7, 2008
I have struggled all of my life to come to the place of this revelation. I’ve heard this talked about, but never seemed to understand it. Finally I am just about there. I would like to take you with me!
• “See, I am sending an angel ahead of you to guard you along the way and to bring you to the place I have prepared.” :: Exodus 23:20 ::
• “He who sacrifices thank offerings honors me, and he prepares the way so that I may show him the salvation of God.” :: Psalm 50:23 ::
• “The LORD will indeed give what is good, and our land will yield its harvest.
Righteousness goes before him and prepares the way for his steps.” :: Psalm 85:12-13 ::
• “A voice of one calling: ‘In the desert prepare the way for the LORD; make straight in the wilderness a highway for our God. Every valley shall be raised up, every mountain and hill made low; the rough ground shall become level, the rugged places a plain.” :: Isaiah 40:3-4 ::
• “Pass through, pass through the gates! Prepare the way for the people. Build up, build up the highway! Remove the stones. Raise a banner for the nations. The LORD has made proclamation to the ends of the earth: “Say to the Daughter of Zion, ‘See, your Savior comes! See, his reward is with him, and his recompense accompanies him.’” :: “Isaiah 62:10-11 ::
• “‘See, I will send my messenger, who will prepare the way before me. Then suddenly the Lord you are seeking will come to his temple; the messenger of the covenant, whom you desire, will come,’ says the LORD Almighty.” :: Malachi 3:1 ::
• “The beginning of the gospel about Jesus Christ, the Son of God. It is written in Isaiah the prophet:’I will send my messenger ahead of you, who will prepare your way a voice of one calling in the desert, “Prepare the way for the Lord, make straight paths for him.”‘ And so John came, baptizing in the desert region and preaching a baptism of repentance for the forgiveness of sins. The whole Judean countryside and all the people of Jerusalem went out to him. Confessing their sins, they were baptized by him in the Jordan River. John wore clothing made of camel’s hair, with a leather belt around his waist, and he ate locusts and wild honey. And this was his message: ‘After me will come one more powerful than I, the thongs of whose sandals I am not worthy to stoop down and untie. I baptize you with water, but he will baptize you with the Holy Spirit.’
At that time Jesus came from Nazareth in Galilee and was baptized by John in the Jordan. As Jesus was coming up out of the water, he saw heaven being torn open and the Spirit descending on him like a dove. And a voice came from heaven: ‘You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased.’” :: Mark 1:1-11 ::
So, my problem has been the battle between my emotions and my soul. Worship? I don’t feel like it; I feel down. Take a walk? I don’t want to. Read my Bible? I would rather watch a movie. Go out with friends? Not today, I feel anxious. Get up in the morning on time? I don’t feel like it; I am sleepy.
But my soul longs for worship. My body is weakening from lack of healthful living and my soul needs my body to be healthy so I can accomplish Kingdom work. My soul longs for the Words of the Living God. My soul wants to be with other people. My soul is excited to get another day started.
So… what can I do?
Prepare the way for the Lord.
I can come to church and put on an attitude of thankfulness and awe. I can choose to raise my hands in the air during worship songs or just lift my head towards the heavens while I sing. I can bow my head in a position of humbleness and gratitude. I can fix my eyes on Jesus. I can call up a friend to go walking; put on my workout clothes and drive to the mall. I can pick up my Bible and open it; say a prayer to the Spirit of God as I open the book. I can organize my home and belongings the night before; and set my alarm to wake up 15 minutes earlier the next day.
WHY? Why do all of that?
To prepare the way for the Lord.
At the moment I arrive in the church, I still may not feel wonderful. As a matter of fact, while I am singing and lifting my arms I may feel like there is no benefit. BUT THERE IS A BENEFIT. Just because I am not FEELING it in the natural yet does not mean nothing is happening!!!! I fix my mind, body, and spirit on what is unseen. I have faith in God, my Mighty Savior, and I hope for what is to come.
See, the Old Testament is filled with scriptures about preparing the way for the Lord. People made sacrifices, they asked God to come. They postured themselves in order to receive the Messiah. They wanted the blessings of God, so they went after them in the natural. And in the case of the Messiah, He finally came. The New Testament shows us that after a long time of wondering and hoping and believing, God sent John the Baptist to announce his arrival. And Jesus came to the earth to fulfill that message. All of those that recognized Him received the blessing of salvation. And the rest of the New Testament is pretty quiet after that as far as the major theme of “prepare the way” goes. We have Jesus now. But there is plenty of encouragement and urging and advising in the New Testament for preparing daily for the blessings of God. We have Jesus, but now we must posture ourselves and position ourselves in a place to be able to take hold of all He has for us. He gives freely, but we must ask and go to Him.
You may not FEEL like there is any benefit to the preparations you are doing. But, take heart, wait on God and watch Him work! It may be 5 minutes, 5 hours, 5 days, or 5 years. But you will soon be living in His blessings because of your faithfulness and obedience.
Prepare the way for the Lord.
What can you do today to prepare the way to receive the promises of God?
“But as for me, I watch in hope for the Lord, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me.” ::Micah 7:7::
This is my year of victory! August 20, 2008
This morning at School of Ministry we started off with a mini-chapel time of song & prayer. We were asked to spend a few moments in personal prayer, and I thought I would share my experience of that prayer time.
I have felt nervous and a little anxious this week about going back to school. It’s not the SOM program that causes the nervousness, I’m really thrilled and excited about SOM! But, it’s the actual physical part of GOING to school that makes me nervous. I wasn’t entirely sure why until this morning.
In my prayer I just brought up my anxiety/nervousness before the Lord, and thought about it for a moment. I then had the realization that my past schooling experiences have not been very successful.
Middle school: Did not fit in very well. I was teased a lot.
High School: Still did not fit in, still being teased and it affected me pretty severely. I was having tremendous difficulty trying to pass algebra and chemistry classes. I had several math teachers who I feel made things worse, not easier for me by not explaining things clearly or helping me after class. I ended up graduating with a technical/vocational diploma instead of the “normal” diploma. It took a long time for me to feel like I had successfully graduated. I felt like I got the “cop-out” certificate.
College: Had a LOT of emotional issues, very depressed the 2nd year, had to drop out one semester short because I could not get through algebra, and felt I was not emotionally strong enough to push through and finish.
The second College: I went to a tech/vocational community college for printing/graphics. But, the instructors were not really very effective teachers, the computers were not up to date and neither was the software. When I tried to get a job I got turned away because my school did not teach me what I really needed to know. So, I am not working in the graphic design field. I don’t want to anyway anymore, but the school experience was really a disaster.
So… now I see where the anxiety is coming from. The fear of having to go back to school and try to fit in and make friends, be successful, and be able to use what I will learn in the “real-world.”
As I was praying this morning I felt a peace in me and the Holy Spirit encouraged me that this year in SOM will finally be a victory for me. This year will be a full success!
Our God is Great and Loving!
Transition Week August 17, 2008
I dubbed this week “Transition Week.” On Monday, my life changes a WHOLE lot.
This summer has been a whirlwind of emotions, opportunities, ideas, quick decisions. I find myself feeling a bit dizzy and overwhelmed with all that happened (or didn’t happen.) I felt like I was running back and forth all summer in my mind. My hours were drastically cut at work for several weeks which discouraged me at first. I contemplated leaving my job. Just when I was prepared to get my resume ready and look for a parapro job, my computer crashed, and I got my hours back at work. And then the invitation to join C3′s School Of Ministry dropped in my lap. After giving it a moment’s thought, I accepted the invitation and consequently I guess I voluntarily cut my work hours since my normal work hours conflict with the SOM schedule. I think this is what confused several people in my life.
“I decided to join my church’s school of ministry!”
“Really? When do you start?”
“In about 3 weeks!”
“Oh. Can you afford that? What about your work, I thought you were wanting your hours back, didn’t they give your hours back to you?”
“I know, I know. I don’t know how I’ll afford it, but I feel like this is something God will honor, and I feel it will be beneficial and useful to my future, so I”m doing it.”
“Wow….. okay…… I hope it goes well for you.”
I’ve had several conversations similar to that one in the past 3 weeks.
It’s true. I know God will honor this decision. I didn’t necessarily feel “called” to do SOM, I just knew it is POSSIBLE because I know our Great Provider, My Heavenly Father. I did feel invited to join SOM.
So, back to transition week. I’ve been trying to wake up earlier/sleep earlier since I am so totally NOT a morning person. Consider that a “heads up” to my classmates and teachers! I’ve done a lot of planning and journaling.
Today was a difficult day. It’s the Saturday before my new schedule changes, and I didn’t have much planned for today, so I felt a little down today. I did plan to do a lot of stuff around the house, but I ended up doing very little. It’s probably a good thing though, because next week is jam packed with new and exciting events.
